How Our Stories Create Our Reality
I’ve been thinking a lot about the “stories” we tell. I don’t mean actual narratives with a beginning, middle and end. I mean the internal mental stories that shape how we interpret the situations, people and events in our lives. A classic example takes place on the road…
Imagine that you’re driving on a busy street and someone cuts you off. Without thinking, your body’s defence systems kick in - your heart rate and blood pressure spike as your foot jams on the brakes. Just as automatically, your mind creates a story - ‘that guy’s an inconsiderate jerk who doesn’t care about anyone but themself.’ The crisis has been averted but you continue to stew in the juices of that story. For the next 5 miles, you ruminate on how selfish people are and you even fantasize about taking retribution. Your heart rate and blood pressure remain elevated and your mood plummets.
But it’s just a story. It’s one of many possible stories that could explain the situation.
Sure, it’s totally possible that your initial story of the other driver being a selfish jerk is accurate. The thing is, you’ll never know for sure. One thing is certain - that story has concrete outcomes. Outcomes that don’t make for an awesome day (unless your definition of an awesome day includes being crabby and stressed out.)
Since you’ll never know the real reason they cut you off, you might as well tell a story that serves you. Perhaps they just didn’t see you before changing lanes (how many times have we done that ourselves?) Or maybe someone cut them off, causing them to have to swerve into your lane. Or just maybe they are a pediatric surgeon rushing to the hospital to save the life of a child.
What happens when you tell one of those other stories? In my experience, each of those other stories lead to a better day (and I have indeed told those alternate stories on the road.) I’m calmer and more forgiving, and I move on from the incident much more quickly.
It’s totally natural to jump to the worst stories but those unconscious interpretations can cause real problems. The trick is to remember in the moment that they are just stories. With practice, we can learn to be intentional about our stories so we can make the most out of any situation.