Certainty and curiosity
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”
― Bertrand Russell
Have you ever been certain of something that turned out to be untrue? I sure have. More times than I care to admit. In fact, I’m starting to think that’s what life is all about. Well, perhaps not ‘all about’ but life is certainly full of these experiences.
See? I just did it again without even thinking about it- “life is certainly full of these experiences.”
Here’s an example from my own life. I’m a die-hard helper. When I see someone in need, especially someone I care about, my instinctual reaction is to jump in and help. For years, when a friend or family member shared a problem with me, my brain would silently say, “I see the problem and it’s my job to fix it.” Then I’d immediately offer solutions to deal with the problem. Even though my motives were pure and I had good intentions, most of the time my offer of ‘solutions’ made the situation worse. For years, this led to a lot of headaches (just ask my wife.)
I was so certain that it was my job to fix their problems. To me, it was obvious - when someone comes to me with a problem, it’s my job to fix it. They want me to fix it, otherwise they wouldn’t have come to me. Duh. Who wouldn’t think that?
Well, it turns out that there was another possibility. Sometimes (most times, actually), people just want to be heard. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I had decades of practice in trying to fix people’s problems, so it took serious work to learn a better approach. I’m still working on it.
My certainty was blinding me. I was so sure that I had the answer, I simply could not see another way to respond.
I guess it makes sense. We need to have a sense of certainty so we don’t wallow in indecision. Without certainty, we’re left to doubt everything and can end up paralysed in inaction. Certainty is more comfortable than doubt, so it’s no wonder humans tend to gravitate towards belief.
So, if chronic certainty is causing you chronic troubles, I offer a simple solution: decrease certainty and increase curiosity. Certainty leads to stagnation, whereas curiosity leads to an open mind.
After all, if you’re certain that you have the right answer, then you don’t seek other solutions. Why would you?
On the other hand, curiosity is all about possibility. When we’re curious, we’re open to new answers, to new sources, to new ideas.
One way to tap into curiosity is to ask open ended questions beginning with “what” or “how”:
“What am I missing here?”
“How did we get here?”
“What is really important?”
“How can I help?”
“What if the opposite of what I believe were true?”
When in doubt, favor curiosity over certainty. I mentioned that it’s a simple solution but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It doesn’t mean that it’s comfortable. And it can certainly be a lot of work. But it’s worth it (just ask my wife.)
I’d love to hear from you with a time that you were certain of something that turned out to be untrue. Please comment below!
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